Meditation #25 L O V E, L O V E, L O V E...

Meditation # 25 L O V E, L O V E, L O V E…

At this point in the year-long process I have embarked upon, with full commitment and mindfulness as I approach my 44^th birthday on August 22^nd, and as an homage to my mother, whose health was severely impacted last year and with whom I initially did these meditations over the phone, based on Macrina Wiederkehr’s book, Behold Your Life, I reached a magical island last time, with Meditation #24. That last shared reflection was about Water, and I celebrated life and its impetus, how it picks us up and thrusts us into new experiences, into thrills, into sorrows, and manages to erode us like everything else it touches, but also defies us to become resilient and to embrace change; adapting like water itself to the new containers we become as each life passage forces us to bow to the thrust of new situations, new people and our ever-evolving identities. Since then, I have felt like Jonah inside the whale, sitting and watching with eyes wide open as life led me to explore the Supreme Emotion, as Barbara Frederickson calls Love in her fascinating book, Love 2.0

Love is a constant ace in our arsenal to deal with life’s challenges, and it requires, like any other emotion, maturation, practice and active pursuit of mastery.

I am a child of divorce, so my life-quest to understand Love and its mutations started with my own bafflement as to how two people who swore fidelity and union gradually experienced a process that turned the very love that had been the foundation of their marriage into bitterness, isolation and deceit until it eroded, like a sand castle, into the sea.

When I felt my own heart stirred and my whole self summoned by meeting someone at the impressionable age of 18 whom I recognized as my life-partner, I had no doubts. I had promised myself to follow my heart and its designs since childhood, and I did. My conviction caused upheaval, criticism, skepticism and scandal, but follow my heart I did, and it has proven to have known exactly what it was whispering; the path to Love is not rational, not straight, and not for the faint at heart.

I have tried to make my life a living experiment of Love in its many forms, by keeping my heart open and inviting love to preside as the CEO of my every decision. Now I am learning that Love alters the invisible chemistry of our body and brain in such powerful ways that it causes identical changes in the bodies and brains of people who surround us. Love is unfolding between strangers, it ties friends and binds lovers, but, literally it is truly a communal phenomenon, a one-meaningful encounter at a time-mind transformer which depends on connection and can change and evolve whole communities, families and societies. If the bonds that hold us together are strengthened and cultivated, we all benefit from Love in a way that transcends the actual individual to individual affection transactions.

I am getting ready to start life in a new place, a house of peculiar characteristics where, when I saw it for the first time, I knew I would be guiding meditation workshops, teaching art, self-love and trying to communicate what I have come to learn and understand about Love and its power to transform individual lives, making us realize the power of connection, and helping us realize how we are all really united, connected, and interdependent, strengthen community and create waves of healing, growth and resilience that can physically alter the ratios of negativity and darkness of our world. The House of Love will be a place where people can share their stories, contribute their gifts, grow their hearts and find meaning and solace in a community where we will encourage one another to fall in love with life, one day at a time. Can you summon Love to preside in your heart and home too?

With L O V E,

Lina.

Meditation #16 From Love to Sex

Meditation #16 From Love to Sex

I am finally catching up, and as I was getting ready to write last night, I turned on CNN and watched a disconcerting report on "sexual reprogramming for homosexuals" carried on during decades by psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Our relationship with our bodies and especially, our sexuality, is still a very obscure topic, especially since it requires removing all masks and being open to pain and confusion.

I was brought up in a country where female beauty is idealized and sexualized highly from a very young age. I remember the taunting and familiarization with sex, gender roles and the relationship between men and women, or of those who felt attraction to those of the same sex, as always being at the core of jokes and conversations held not only among adults, but frequently shared and encouraged as a humorous talent among little ones: the telling and retelling of comical stories where the common denominator was always the ambiguity of language and how it served the purpose of ridiculing precisely what people repressed, the intense desires and conflicts that sexuality arose and that were so easily disguised as humor.

I look back at my adolescence and realize with horror that I was not only dancing with the devil, modeling in Medellín in the 1980’s, but surrounded by deceit. My hometown was dominated by drug-dealers and abundant dirty money, a pervasive game involving sophisticated scenarios such as the night clubs built precisely by that blood money and establishing a high stakes, fast-paced traffic of every single human desire, where young pretty girls were customarily just currency, and usually the cheapest commodity to be traded and used and abused at will. I look back at my self-image and credit my mother with the filter that allowed me to have a sense of dignity that prevented me from getting lost amidst the dazzling allure of the pleasure promised by the moment.

I found out about several unwanted pregnancies that happened very close to me as an adolescent and interestingly, fear of that ever happening to me was a big deterrent in my behavior. But looking back, even though I had the privilege of a mother who did not shirk conversations and questions about sexuality and always described sex as the most beautiful experience two people who loved each other could share, I wish I had understood earlier on, the psychological implications of sharing your body and soul with another human being. Very little discussion of this important part of sexuality is ever presented, not only at homes, but at school, and our society, represented mainly by the media, insists on portraying sex as a casual, non-committing, non-binding encounter that is presented as seeming to involve two bodies, but very rarely includes the consequences of the encounter between two souls and two visions of the world.

I have observed the reactions to sexual scandals in the media and among people and see how usually the behavior is examined as a deviation and analyzed from the guilt and shame perspective, the highlight is often the disgrace at having been careless enough to have been caught, while analysis of the complex issues of fidelity, power, and human weakness and sexuality are overlooked, or simply denied.

We seem to believe that like Dorian Gray, we can use our representations of reality, our portraits, consisting on the facades we present to the world, our powerful stances, positions, or possessions, as shields from the truth of who we are; complicated, fallible beings who need to be willing to stare their humanity in the face to fully understand their weaknesses and also their beauty, which is most majestically revealed precisely when we confront our vulnerabilities.

Only by opening our minds, bodies and souls to inquiry, to questions, to longings, to desires, to unfulfilled needs, can we fully inhabit our sexuality, and allow the real You to seek connection with another. Just as when we lay our clothing aside to allow another to become one with us, masks and fears need to be shed, in all three dimensions, forming a bond of unbreakable communion. We spontaneously inhabited our sexuality even as babies when we were held, breastfed, cuddled, massaged and explored our bodies, and we were reminded that we were loved. Sadly, our upbringing may have distorted our perceptions of who we are as sexual selves, but the way back requires re-learning who we are and learning to love and accept ourselves.

Before we can even begin to comprehend the far-reaching effects of a sexual encounter with another person, regardless of our sexual orientation, we need to understand human connections, relationships, affection, conversation, empathy: the gift of looking into another’s eyes and putting down the walls to allow the real selves to shine through and venture to reach out and let the sparks fly. Only then might we find our paths to understanding the fire that is created when two human beings melt one into another and find an echo, a mirror, a bridge that allows them to fuse into the divinity of another. Only through love we can understand this power, but it starts with the love we must first feel for our own selves; Love is the beginning of a healthy sexuality. 

With love,

Lina. 

Meditation # 15 Dancing Around the Fire

Meditation # 15 Dancing Around the Fire

Let me hold your hand as we move from school memories about longing to belong and evolving new selves onto the trunk that is filled with our most cherished and joyous memories of our school days. We are invited to focus on the laughter, the wonder urged by the thrill of discovery of the gifts we found in our hearts, such as friendship and caring for our oth

ers; the new muscles being flexed in our brains, as we were led to explore our creativity and new skills were developed; and our physicality, as we were taught to enjoy sports and games with others. I remember vividly asking everyone I met about their after-school activities. I enjoyed school so much that I longed to stay active and engaged once the bell rang for dismissal. I now realize that might have been precisely the seed that matured into the books I have written; inspired by the urgency I felt to make the best of every day, to learn and explore the world relentlessly.
This weekend, I was reminded of the careless intense joy achieved while lost at play in the most magical way imaginable. I ended up dancing around a bonfire, laughing and singing with abandon at a phenomenal party to which I had not even been invited originally. Life conspired so that I could meet a new friend who needed to be reminded of her value, surrounded by love and care, and so we danced around a swirling bonfire, praying for fertility, joy and hope to flood her heart and body. I felt like a little girl, and allowed the powerful pull of the collective to surge through me. I surrendered to the primal irresistible pull of beating drums and syncopated human hearts and the seduction of the fire, which filled us all with euphoria as we shared intentions and the sincere desire for the well-being and happiness of a soul in need, mercy and compassion uniting us all.
In this very moment, I watch with trepidation fire and smoke burning as Gaza and Israel tumble to the ground in a tight suicidal embrace, brother against brother, blind strokes aiming at innocents and instigators, and I wonder…
Can we surround the burning fires of our self-destruction with the forces of self-less love,
the belief in hope,
the defiance of optimism amidst tragedy,
the confidence of forgiveness disarming betrayal, and manage to defeat the burning fires of doubt and fear with the love shared by beating and caring human hearts. I think about the millions of children that are being denied a serene, happy day at school or at home because of our adult complications, and I wonder if we, the lucky few who knew days filled with laughter and now have the gift of happy memories to cherish, can feel summoned to surround their wounds with prayers and care and manage to find the heart to persist and never desist and insist on dancing around the bonfire.
With love and an intense desire for peace in my heart,
Lina.

Meditation #7 The Power of Surrender

Meditation #7 The Power of Surrender

Every time I hold a baby, I fall in love.

I am seduced by that total faith, that surrender to my embrace, the confident grasp that instinctively seeks my fingers and holds on tight, searching into my eyes to absorb my soul through that exchanged gaze and the spell is fully cast by that flicker of light when recognition and the thrill of exploring a human face ignites the connection.

I love the smell of a baby, the feeling of light and love that seems to envelop us both as we cuddle and then the delight when that baby gifts me with a chuckle! I had one such moment this week, and it fed me enough love to last all month, and it allowed me to open the memories of what it mush have felt like to be wrapped within loving arms, looking up and hoping that sturdy embrace meant this big person would know how to decipher me, feed me when I felt hungry, figured out how to relieve my discomfort and cared enough to explore my being and tell me I was loved.

Can we find still find within ourselves that willingness to let go? To trust in others and allow them to grow by being our caregivers, our helpers, our source of love, comfort, laughter, wisdom or simple presence? It is so easy to become trapped in the delusion of being self-sufficient, self-conscious, to believe everybody is watching to see your failures, or your weaknesses or deficiencies, and to refuse to ask for help, reach out for comfort and allow others to be the source of what we need.

In Spanish, we frequently say “me da pena”, the closest translation would be “it embarrases me”, and it frequently is applied to a situation where we will be exposed as vulnerable, lacking, needy or weak. But most often, it just means recognizing we are human and incomplete, and need the skills, the help, the cooperation of a team or maybe just one friend, to help us through and allow us to cross the threshold into realizing that it is in fact empowering and revealing to surrender, to allow another to hold us, feed us, listen to us and perhaps heal us by looking into our eyes and either by laughing along or joining our tears, serving us and opening our hearts once again, making us realize we have never really been alone. From the beginning we have been held, despite our broken, undeserving selves, we have been mended and tended, and this surrender is how we learn to trust not only others, but ourselves, in order to live without fear, and within love.

With love, 

Lina.

The Deeper Wound 9/11

A flood of memories...

9/11 is like a scar on our collective soul. When I sought solace, a book by Deepak Chopra, called "The Deeper Wound" helped me through. I never owned a copy, a dear friend of mine lent me hers. I met Tooba in a playground in Dallas, we poured our souls and shared our personal stories. She was Afghan, had been brought up in a Russian occupied compound and was married to an Iranian who was obsessive about collecting junk in garage sales. I was a Colombian, living in the urban jungle of impersonal, petulant Dallas, and was trying to understand my childhood wounds and the reality of feeling like a square peg in a round hole, our immigrant tales united us and our women's hearts drew us together. She told me about this book and how it had changed her heart. I never saw Tooba after I moved away from Dallas, but "The Deeper Wound" has become a part of my being, thanks to Tooba. That is the enduring power of a book!

I copied the book on my journal, realized the therapeutic power it had and started translating it right away, made copies and have given away at least 25 of them. It is a life-altering book and today, I choose one of my favorite parts to honor those who were sacrificed eleven years ago.

"Inside you is a space that NOTHING and NOONE can touch. Your body is like a house that gives shape to this space of peace and silence. When a house falls down, roof and walls tumble, but no harm is done to the space inside. In death we lose our bodily definition, but the inner space of peace is never harmed. Devote some time in your day to go inward and find your peace...It is important to remember that anything you can do to expand your awareness will automatically counter evil. Be gentle when you are tempted to be harsh. Pay attention when you are tempted to turn a blind eye. Accept that the negativity you are feeling belongs to you when you are tempted to blame someone else. Personal transformation on this level is the highest way to combat evil.

Transformation does not come about by being touched with a magic wand. Habit and use apply here, too.

If you find even the smallest reasons for sending out intentions of love, tolerance, forgiveness and peace, these centers will grow inside your mind. Your spirit counts on this growth."

Meditation #3 A Spark of Love

Meditation #3 A Spark of Love

This week will allow us to explore the gratitude we owe to the two beings whom, in a selfless moment of surrender, deleted the barriers that separate individuals and by fusing their humanities, created the magic portal that allowed each one of us to enter this world.

This is the day of my conception, I know I was conceived in love and in a specific place, in a tiny cozy home in Medellín, Colombia. There was hope, faith and purpose in the act of communal creation that resulted in my pulsing heart. Life would become tangled and estrange these two human beings, Jaime and María del Pilar, eventually leading them on completely independent paths.

Yet, today I rejoice in that sacred moment when they answered my knock on the door and allowed me to enter the world as a result of a spark of love. I said yes to life and my mom housed me within her body for nine whole months. My heart is full of gratitude to my parents, both of them, with all their frailties and their gifts, they allowed me to be who I am.

Even though we might not remember or know specifics about the story of our conception, we can ponder about that season of becoming, those first cells multiplying at phenomenal speeds, pulsing with life, creating differentiated structures, growing within a carefully crafted plan, minute extremities, throbbing with purpose, each and every detail of a tiny, perfect person unfolding in order to carry out a divine design.

I imagine the joy of the Creator, of the Magic originator, rejoicing in that miracle, in the splendor of this physical expression of Hope, Life and Love. This was the beginning of the Sacred mystery of my Life, a spark of love within the cloud of unknowing that surrounded two lives, willing to stake a claim of belief in the world by creating a new life, mine to decipher and to develop, to unpack and evolve. In gratitude I celebrate my beginning, brimming with Amazing Grace!